Speaking of Differences vs Similarities
We all meet up new individuals in new spaces everyday. Its like a constant process which happens knowing or unknowingly. Considering the number of humans on this planet there always is obvious scope. During our conversations and interactions with strangers or even colleagues or relatives or to generalize to any other human there seems to be a zone in which many people tend to reach. By the zone i mean a comfort level or frequency match which people tend to reach.
Talking to a visually impaired friend of mine i was wondering what is it that makes such conversations engaging? What makes that frequency match happen? What makes people rhyme in communication?
If you see there is a good chance that if you had a engaging conversation with an individual you tend to have a good feeling about that person or atleast about that moment of conversation. In my desire to find the answer, i started observing all the conversations i have been having for last few weeks. And by observing i dont really mean critical observation, but more of silent observer to identify what really happens.
It was interesting to see what really starts a conversation and how the conversations start taking shape.
Most conversations which rose to the level of good frequency conversations for me, were those where initial period was spent in finding commonalities between the two individuals. Where the conversation starters were towards creating a common platform where both the individuals could establish themselves comfortably. Such conversations, which i may also call additive conversations seemed to be more of an approach to find out what is similar between the person i talk to and me, what are the common experiences we have had so far? What are those views in which we strike a common understanding. This does not mean there were no differences between thoughts however differences were nicely wrapped in-between the similarity search of both the individuals.
What was also interesting to see was where did the conversations generally get broken? There were times where the communicators got into a mode of seeking what is different between the two. Where i or the person i was conversing with seeked to find how different we are and how the differences stand to be better in my own way rather than the other. In such situations conversations were not really towards positive feedback. Also sometimes when similarities were engulfed after a good period of difference finding between individuals, even the mention of similarities did not manage to save the conversation.
Although what was also interesting was the effect of "difference conversations" engulfed in "similarity seeking conversations" as these seemed to have a bigger impact towards taking the conversation ahead positively.By this i mean that conversations which started with similarities but added dash of differences in between created a healthy conversation.
In short the similarity seeking behavior while starting a conversation with individuals, is really a useful factor towards building an effective experience of the individuals.
Differential conversation has its benefits, and one cant deny them when one's ideas need to be put across, but the same can be done with a dash of similarity starts rather than direct differential statements.
So next time you want to have a good conversation with your boss, wife, or even those irritating neighbors...start with similarities, build the bridge and enjoy the ride.
Talking to a visually impaired friend of mine i was wondering what is it that makes such conversations engaging? What makes that frequency match happen? What makes people rhyme in communication?
If you see there is a good chance that if you had a engaging conversation with an individual you tend to have a good feeling about that person or atleast about that moment of conversation. In my desire to find the answer, i started observing all the conversations i have been having for last few weeks. And by observing i dont really mean critical observation, but more of silent observer to identify what really happens.
It was interesting to see what really starts a conversation and how the conversations start taking shape.
Most conversations which rose to the level of good frequency conversations for me, were those where initial period was spent in finding commonalities between the two individuals. Where the conversation starters were towards creating a common platform where both the individuals could establish themselves comfortably. Such conversations, which i may also call additive conversations seemed to be more of an approach to find out what is similar between the person i talk to and me, what are the common experiences we have had so far? What are those views in which we strike a common understanding. This does not mean there were no differences between thoughts however differences were nicely wrapped in-between the similarity search of both the individuals.
What was also interesting to see was where did the conversations generally get broken? There were times where the communicators got into a mode of seeking what is different between the two. Where i or the person i was conversing with seeked to find how different we are and how the differences stand to be better in my own way rather than the other. In such situations conversations were not really towards positive feedback. Also sometimes when similarities were engulfed after a good period of difference finding between individuals, even the mention of similarities did not manage to save the conversation.
Although what was also interesting was the effect of "difference conversations" engulfed in "similarity seeking conversations" as these seemed to have a bigger impact towards taking the conversation ahead positively.By this i mean that conversations which started with similarities but added dash of differences in between created a healthy conversation.
In short the similarity seeking behavior while starting a conversation with individuals, is really a useful factor towards building an effective experience of the individuals.
Differential conversation has its benefits, and one cant deny them when one's ideas need to be put across, but the same can be done with a dash of similarity starts rather than direct differential statements.
So next time you want to have a good conversation with your boss, wife, or even those irritating neighbors...start with similarities, build the bridge and enjoy the ride.
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